Group post: Chilean Men

As a part of some of my ex-pat friends' blogs (friends I met while I was an ex-pat, which is no longer true) I'm writing this as a simultaneous post about Chilean men.

As a precursor... My Chilean man HATES generalizations. If I say, "Chileans smoke a lot," he will fight me. He'll say, "Not EVERYONE smokes!" And then name 40 people he knows who do not. If I say, "Chileans use words that do not exist elsewhere, such as the word 'guata' which is mapuche," he will say, "No, that's NOT true, how do you know, you're not chilean?!?! Do you speak Mapundungun?" And then, days later, I'll jump up from my computer, triumphant, and show him this and yet he'll still try to find some way to refute me.

He loves the gray, he loves the exception, and NO he's not a lawyer!
I used to really love this about him. I loved the challenge. Now I just wish he'd bow down and say, "Yes, my brilliant darling, you're always right."

So for these reasons, I hope that he NEVER sees this post, or I'll probably get a 12-page email from him, telling me why I'm wrong.

I seem to get along a lot better with Chilean men than Chilean women. Chilean men were the only ones to ever actually call me, to ever invite my friends and me to do things and to ever actually make an effort in a conversation. Yes, I know, this is probably because their intentions weren't always pure. But I made many friends, and eventually met my husband because someone extended his friendship, and man, am I grateful for that!

Somethings I've learned:

1 - Although you can't count on everything a Chilean says "yes" to, if you give your number to a Chilean MAN he will most likely call you back. And then call back. And call back. And even when you think he has gotten the picture, he calls back, again.

2 - Chilean men aren't as paralyzed by rejection as my American male peers. Although they aren't supposed to be the most outgoing Latin American male group, they are definitely more straight with you than a gringo man. A gringo man's way of telling you he likes you is to ignore you completely, until he's drunk or has some excuse to talk to you, and then "play it cool." Maybe this is what the piropos are all about: Letting a woman know what you really think. Maybe they've been training them since they were little. Maybe I've just dated some pretty cold gringos. I don't know, but Chilean men generally come across to me as much more direct. Which is a good thing... and also a bad thing if you don't necessarily want to hear what they are saying.

3 - Chilean men can be real gossips. My husband isn't guilty of this, but I'd say some older men LOVE to talk about other peoples' business.

4 - Chilean men seem to like foreign women. This doesn't necessarily mean they will all marry one, but I think it's fairly easy for a foreign woman to meet many many many guys who would just love to be her boyfriend. This is true even when the foreign woman isn't particularly attractive. I continually try and look at my beautiful friends who are married to/dating chilean men to assure myself that this is not my case, but I sometimes wonder, "Would my husband have married me had I not been a gringa?"

5 - They love their jokes! It doesn't matter how sexual, sexist, racist or off-color, most Chilean men have a repertoire of chistes. Some are funny, and some make me cringe. No matter how dire the situation, a chilean man can always crack a joke.

6 - They are all a bunch of mama's boys. Really. They love to regalonear with their mamás. Their mothers wait on them hand and foot, make them their favorite foods, wash their clothes just right and allow them to live in their houses until they get married. This can be a nightmare to deal with if you're married to one. Wrenching those little fists away from the apron strings can be a real obstacle. But on the other hand, I know that my husband and many other Chilenos that I've met have a heartwarming respect for their mothers, and I believe treat women well for those reasons.

7 - Chilean men can be very attentive partners. My husband and I have this mutual sort of understanding. Sure, sometimes I make him dinner and serve it to him. Sometimes I wash his clothing or make him cookies. But the amazing thing is that he reciprocates. He'll always run to the store for me, make me breakfast or do the dishes. He'll help me clean the bathroom. He'll surprise me with a bouquet of roses when I wake up from a nap. My mom once observed, "He worships the ground you walk on."

Sure, there are some bad eggs. There are sexist machistas; there are the viejos verdes who call me "Mi'jita rica" when they take their mid-morning stroll through Providencia. There was also Pinochet, there are alcoholic wife beaters and that horrid little Emo delinquent who hawked a lougey and spit it on my leg near the Costanera. But I generally think they are a pretty good bunch, like to laugh, and will always strike up a conversation.

I'm crazy about mine*.

*For the record, my Chilean man breaks some stereotypes. He has surprisingly feminist principles, doesn't smoke, doesn't really like futbol, wears cargo shorts and always has a clean buzz cut (no mullet, no rat tail, no earrings). Yet, he loves his meat, eggs and a starch, uses the word "weon" a lot, and when I met him he was wearing a fanny pack. But it's all these things that make me love him, the Chilean and the not-so Chilean.