Please submit questions for Trichotillomania FAQ!

Borrowing this idea from Kyle's Living Chile as an Expat's informative and interesting FAQs.....

Before I post my first entry in my Trichotillomania Blogathon, I wanted to mention that right now I have 6 of the 7 days planned. I was thinking that for one of those days I'd field any questions that you might have about the disorder (even though I'm definitely not an expert!). So please comment and leave me any questions, comments, places you'd like clarification or more information. The 5th day I'll gather it all up and make it into a Trichotillomania FAQ.

My blogathon: National Trichotillomania Awareness Week

Beginning tomorrow, October 1st, it's National Trichotillomania Awareness Week:

"Millions of people worldwide are suffering in silence, shame, and isolation from hair-pulling, skin-picking, and related disorders. National Trichotillomania Awareness Week (NTAW) is our chance to make a difference for these people, letting them know that they are not alone and that help is available. NTAW is a grassroots event in the truest sense; it is through the efforts of TLC members and friends working in their local communities that we spread the message of hope and healing. Please consider how you might take part in NTAW, either publicly or privately, to help break the silence and stigma surrounding these disorders." (From The Trichotillomania Learning Center)

In honor of National Trichotillomania Awareness week, I'm planning on writing a post a day about the disorder. I don't have a specific plan, but each day I'm going to take a different topic or aspect of the disorder each day and write about it.

I realize my blog doesn't have a big reader-base, so this might not be an incredibly "revolutionary" goal. But for me, it's a big deal. I just want whoever might stumble in here to have a better idea about this strange disorder and hope that it might touch someone else. For people who have the disorder, it's incredibly healing to know that other people are affected by it and that you're not alone.

I'm going to post my own personal story, links, videos and resources.

So please check back in ... I'm nervous and excited about this week all at the same time.

The quintessential political post

I was so optimistic when Chilean President, Michelle Bachelet won the election in 2006. I was excited for women, excited to change, and thought that maybe someone could take a really hard look at Chilean gender inequalities and make change. A few years later, I haven't really seen any improvements, Chile "en cierto rigor" has remained in its status quo. I don't mean to be a pessimist, but really, Bachelet, is this all that you've got?

I had the same fears about Hillary Clinton. As much as I would have loved to see a female candidate take office, I'm now really glad that Obama is running for president. It was a hard time for me getting here, I loved them both, I wanted so badly for them to campaign together. I felt like a kid torn between two parents in a divorce or something. I nearly broke into tears at the polling place at the primaries. But I'm really confident about the upcoming election, watching the first half of the debates on cnn.com (still waiting for the 2nd half!) tonight made me feel really excited and proud of Obama.

I tend to refrain from really charged political commentary. It's a survival skill, I come from a very conservative family and still get sort of lambasted when my father reveals that I'm a registered democrat. (My brother is too, we're the only ones. For the record, my mother is a registered republican but has voted democrat quite often.) I take pride that I can converse with people who don't share my political beliefs and even have friendships. I usually let them go on about it, I listen with empathy, but I don't reveal my real thoughts and feelings. I wish I could get better at this, but sometimes it feels like it's so useless, why lose my breath?

I've been so impressed by some of my friends who have gone out and campaigned for Obama, who have sent emails helping him fundraise, and have been able to see him speak. I wish I could get over this sort of political stage fright of mine. I think aside from my family, I've always felt sort of intimidated by my poli-sci major friends at Cornell who put my political knowledge to shame. They always made me feel dumb talking about politics.

But this is my small attempt to do my part. It's not much. My heart's there, at least.

I know many people on here are really politically savvy, involved and I totally know they are going to vote. But I wanted to post a few links on this website just in case you're dragging your feet about it.

* If you're living outside of the United States, you can sign up for an expat absentee ballot here: http://www.fvap.gov/. This is the website given to US Citizens from the Embassy, so it's totally legit.

* If you're living in the US but out of your home state and want to vote absentee there isn't really a specific website, there are different forms for different states. I am still a Pennsylvania resident on paper so I'm voting in Pennsylvania by absentee ballot. It's a swing state, and frankly, there's no way in hell I'm voting in Texas. I know every vote counts, in theory, but not really in Texas.

* If you're not registered to vote at all, get over here http://www.rockthevote.org or here http://www.declareyourself.com.

Group post: How Chileans Perceive Gringos

For this group post, How Chileans Perceive Gringos, I had to go directly to the source, a Chilean. Since I live with one, it wasn't a difficult feat and I finally got him to sit down with me and chat about what he thinks of my countrymen after two days of the usual Chilean procrastination...

Our interview turned out to be very boring. Maybe my interview questions were at fault, but I also realized that he didn't say anything new or unexpected. This could be, because he's my husband and I know him so well, or perhaps because it was very similar to what other Chileans have said. My husband is also very conscious of not criticizing anyone too much and making any outrageous generalizations. Maybe this is why he's such a flexible person and so easy to get along with. I'm the big-mouthed gringa who doesn't know how to hold her tongue, and with this, he totally agrees.

We started talking about this, about the gringo's feigned tolerance and acceptance of other people. He says, "It's kind of like being tolerant when you talk to people, but really intolerant in your mind. You may be polite when you're talking, but you're not tolerant. People here (in the states) are polite in general, but that doesn't always equal tolerance. Then when they get a chance to speak their mind, they really explode. For example, that's what happened to you (Me) in Chile and the other gringas."

Then he talked a bit about how gringos use people as "tokens" to further "prove" that they are accepting. (Something we were reading about yesterday in the website Stuff White People Like.)

He said, "A gringo likes to be friends with people, perhaps someone who is gay, not because they really care about gay people, but they want to be perceived as tolerant and 'cool.'"

However, apart from our two-faced or phony political correctness, my husband said some interesting things about how women and men have been able to come into their own.

He sees gringo men as overly self-conscious and homophobic. He said that he sees gringo men as "less emotional and more afraid to talk about their feelings." He attributes this to the hegemonic image of the "tough football player" that many gringo men have. He said, "Maybe they are ashamed to be perceived by other men as sensitive or too friendly. I guess it’s because all gringos have these football player models, where it’s kind of the unconscious model, even if they aren’t football players and focused on science or something like that, they still are very careful too not be perceived as a sensitive guy and they think that if they are too sensitive they are being kind of 'gay,' even if they are 'tolerant' of gay people.

"Chileans are also afraid of being perceived as gay, but they don’t have this idea that only gay men are sensitive. You can hug another man, give him a kiss on the cheek, and no one is afraid of being perceived as gay. Personal space is different."

He then, seemed to have more admiration for gringa women. (Maybe it's cause he's married to one--just a thought.)

Smiling, he said, “I just have experience meeting gringas who study abroad, or are educated, but… I really like that it’s easier to talk with a gringa than with other women, at least in Chile, because usually when you talk with other women in Chile they put up this barrier, like they still are really afraid and they kind of block themselves and don’t want to show the way they actually are or really think."

He recounted one of the things he really liked about me when we started dating; I made cookies for him when we took a trip to Viña del Mar. "I really liked when you made cookies or didn’t have any problem cooking or cleaning from the beginning, on the other hand you didn’t have any problem asking for help when you were cooking or cleaning. Even if we aren’t going to be the same, being woman and man, it’s easier to have the relationship because there are fewer barriers based on sex."

He stated the he thinks that Chilean women create these barriers out of fear that they will be perceived as too weak or subordinate to men. He said, "It’s a big barrier in Chile because Chilean women overact because they are afraid to be considered too sensitive or inferior, so sometimes instead of being just strict about something they are too strict or extreme about something because they don’t want to be perceived as too weak."

"They are usually more scared to show the way they are and I think the gringas feel more free or more comfortable talking directly about what they think, feel or want to do. [Chilean women] are always repressing themselves in all their actions and words whenever they talk or do something because they are always afraid of being perceived as subordinate."

He seems to think that gringas are more comfortable in their femininity, less preoccupied with feeling unequal. "Gringas just don’t care, they are clearer about what they are. Whatever they do is because they actually want to do it. A Chilean woman is afraid that if she cooks for a man, the man will expect her to always cook. Whereas a gringa will cook one day, it's no big deal, and if she doesn’t feel like cooking the next day, she will tell you, 'I don’t feel like cooking, if you want something you can do it.'”

When I asked him about funny or ridiculous things that gringos do, he thought that our sanitation was out of control. "Gringos are obsessed with sanitation. I think it’s important to be careful. In Chile, the myth is that if you walk around in the cold without a scarf you'll get sick. Here the myth is that if you don’t use antibacterial soap and if you don’t wash your hands you will die. You’re not going to die because you mix the raw chicken with the vegetables on the same plate if you're going to cook it all. It’s good to be careful but sometimes it’s too much."

He continued, "For me it’s weird that you’re so obsessed, with washing your hands, almost to the point that you have to wash your hands after shaking your hands with someone else. When you’re not exposed to these things, these small bacteria and viruses, when you grow up and are exposed, because you go somewhere else you can’t handle it, you don’t have the immunities to defend yourselves. I think it’s enough to wash the dishes with antibacterial soap, but for you, it’s not, you have to boil it in your dishwasher to the point that you’re almost causing your dishes to disintegrate."

Finally he commented, "Gringos also have to have everything big. Big houses, big cars. It's almost like you can't live if your house isn't big enough and you don't drive if you don't have a big car."

A Salty Issue

The week before I got married my eyes puffed up so bad that everyone thought that I was hysterically crying every night before my wedding. That it was my nerves. It wasn't. Instead, it was the salt that Chileans are so addicted to! I was living with my husband's parents, drinking a ton of bottled water and realized that the combination of my suegra's sodium obsessed cooking and the sodium in the water (which I was drinking because I was so thirsty from the food) was making me retain liquid like whoa. Shortly there after we moved out and I stopped buying bottled water with sodium in it.

The problem is: My husband is obsessed with salt. He puts it on everything. Even if it already has salt. He doesn't even pay attention to how things taste, he puts it on automatically, like a psycho-salt worshiper.

He seldom cooks, but when he does I can barely eat the food because it's so salty. So tonight, when he was making pollo al jugo for our dinner, I finally said NO, you're not touching the salt shaker and put my foot down. I said, "The salt harms us. Is it such a sacrifice to use a little right now and then put on more to taste once the food is served?"

He got upset, of course. I know it's not the best encouragement to continue cooking. But he does it every single time he cooks, and then every single time we agree that he'll stop, and then weeks later when he cooks again I feel like I'm eating movie popcorn.

But I really feel like I win this argument. Why?
* Salt raises your blood pressure
* Puts you at higher risk for heart attack and stroke
* Causes water retention

I don't abstain from all salt. Nor sugar. I just believe in moderation.

After O. and I had lived together for a year, he went to get some blood work done and found that his cholesterol had lowered a TON from his tests pre-marriage, in addition to his levels of blood glucose. Why? Well, I'm a food nazi, I guess, but I did take full semester course on Nutrition and do pretty well when I cook for myself and plan my own menus. I also lose about 20 lbs. automatically when I get to control my own food and don't have to involve other people in the process. And to be honest, for someone of my weight family history and lack of constant exercise (something I'm improving) my medical exams are pretty impeccable.

I guess this is a sore issue for O. and me because since returning to the US and moving into our own place I've made some major changes to my diet which really weren't his choice. I have been trying to avoid refined sugars; I buy brown rice, whole grain bread, plain yogurt and whole wheat pasta. I don't bake anymore. We don't eat as much meat or poultry. My only sugar is brown rice syrup which I drizzle on my oatmeal and yogurt. I still let him buy sugary soda, pudding snacks and normal yogurt. We don't really have dessert other than fruit in our apartment anymore, but a month ago we made brownie sundaes. And I think this is driving him crazy.

How do you all contend with changing your diet and thus changing your partners? How do you deal with Chileans and their salt?

NY Times Article on Obama

NY Times, opinion article: The Push to 'Otherize' Obama

Wow! What a great opinion article. I really agree with the author and it's a great way to look at how people are using other complaints as an excuse for racism. If they can't outwardly criticizing Obama for being "white" enough they can criticize him for not being "christian" enough.

I'm glad that the media has calmed down about Sarah Palin. A week later it's old news. Thank goodness.

Multicultural update

O. and I are still recovering from our night out. We're old, staying up past 1 am makes us grumpy. I can't have more than 3 drinks without waking up with a headache.

The Chilean "fonda" was a little bit of a disappointment. I think O. really hoped to connect with some people doing cool things here in Austin, but we just didn't really get to talk to anyone. There were a ton of Chilean study abroad students there who were your typical cuicos, and then a strange smattering of ex pats. Many of the people who we talked to either were in the US temporarily in order to learn English, or had been here for years but really didn't have many interesting things to talk about. We did meet two really nice young couples - the first was a young girl originally from Chile who moved to the US when she was 6 who is studying psychology. Her boyfriend, a Texan, was just really nice, they were great Texas buena onda. A second young couple was also super nice and interesting, but live 3 hours away in Laredo. I have a feeling that there might have been nice, cool people there, but they might have been so involved in organizing the whole thing that we just didn't get the chance to talk. It was fun, but I think O. really hoped to get some advice or encouragement, and that just didn't happen. I guess the only thing that helped was that the Texan guy, a young college grad, was also having a really hard time finding a job, so O. now really knows it's not just him.

Afterward, we decided to stop by a party that a Spanish girl from my department was having. We had planned on just not going because of the Chilean fonda, but when we got home at 9pm we decided that we still had time. That party actually was really fun, there were people there from Spain, the US, Peru and Brazil. They were mostly Ph.D students but O. really had a nice time and laughed a lot.

We've been busy this weekend - a couple that we knew in Chile (Claire, the red head who taught at the English Connection) were visiting Austin and O. had an MBA information session. Now I have a lot of work to catch up on, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to participate in the group post. But, I'll be excited to read everyone's posts!

Have no fear, there will not be a Chilean without empanadas on the 18...kind of

So, you're probably sitting in Chile thinking, Oh, poor Mandy and O, they are missing out on the best part of living in Chile, the dieciocho. (OK, I know you're totally not, but anyway...)

BUT... we have located the Chilean contingency here in Austin just in time for the fiestas patrias (and unfortunately too late to see the Chile-Brasil soccer game but life moves on).

This Saturday we're going to be drinking pisco, eating empanadas and dancing cueca just like everybody else.

I won't lie. I'm a little sad not to be in Chile this time of year. It's something I honestly enjoy. Hey - I met my husband at la fonda at Beauchef. But at least we get to celebrate a little bit. And the Texas flag looks almost the same as the Chilean flag, it's kind of strange!

Can you tell which one is which?

Chilean teens - yuck!

NY Times: In Tangle of Young Lips, a Sex Rebellion in Chile

Oh the infamous "ponceo." I have to admit, this article turns my stomach. It must be my step-maternal instincts coming in. It just reminds me: we need to get F. out of there before her 12th birthday.

I just wish somebody would give these kids some condoms.

Hurricane update:

11am and not a drop of rain. Just a ton of wind. It's totally missing us!

The Hurricane

I've never lived close enough to a body of warm sea water to have to worry about hurricanes. Once when I was about 14 we were vacationing north of a hurricane. I remember the way the sky turned black and 50 MPH winds followed. The waves were gigantic. But it was fun for us. We put on rain coats and went out into the street and felt the wind push us around. We went back inside that night, listened to the storms and went back to the beach a day later.

While still aren't "close" enough to the storm to really "worry" it's still the first time I've actually been affected. Today public schools closed in Austin in anticipation of 25,000 evacuees coming from Galveston and low-lying areas of Houston. City officials wanted to avoid horrible traffic jams and so they canceled school to lighten up the load on the morning and afternoon commutes. UT canceled its football game this weekend and opened its garages to students to protect their cars during the storms. While we won't experience the full fury of the hurricane, we will still experience some strong winds and scattered rain. The winds are supposed to get up to about 40 MPH, which isn't really bad, but it's still enough to fling your lawn furniture on your balcony through your windows.

Last night we decided to take our car to the university garages and leave it there for the weekend. We live on the river and supposedly it's much windier there than other areas, so we decided not to take the chance of something flying into it. Don't forget... I'm the girl whose Suburban was hit by a bus, my first Honda had a sheet of ice fall on the windshield and I just knew that if I left the car in the parking lot this weekend something would hit it. I guess I'll probably go to the garage on Sunday to pick up our car and find 200 door dingies - but hey, we tried!

News crews, police officers and rescue workers are stationed in a really strong 15-floor Hotel in Galveston engineered specifically to weather hurricanes. When I saw it on the news I had this fleeting desire to be there. Wouldn't it be absolutely terrifying and somewhat exciting to watch a hurricane from that sort of place? Not that I have any desire to be in Galveston, but from a safe place I bet it's pretty amazing.

Well, I hope at least tonight we get some good rain. The wind was pretty nice on our balcony a few minutes ago. No bugs, for once! I'll let you know how it all goes.

The Small Town Pennsylvania Girl

I grew up in a small University town in rural Pennsylvania. When I was 18 I moved to another university town in rural New York. Santiago was the first big city I have ever lived in. Now Austin is markedly smaller, but it's still a city.
I've never been attracted to cities in the United States. Why live in all the mess (traffic, pollution, congestion) when you can have everything else you need in a small university town? (Note the university. It turns what would be desolate, depressing places into cultural, educated utopias.)
My home town is nicknamed "Happy Valley" and we don't even really have a name of our town, it's just named after the university that's there. Aside from the drinking problems rampant in college students and the occasional gunfire from the trailer park, it's really idyllic. It's like a place that doesn't even really exist, stuck in some warp.
When O. and I drove through our tiny downtown, the buildings that once looked like a "city" to me seemed so small. But I never can get over how clean everything is, how all of the signs match and the fact that traffic barely exists.
What can I say... I miss it.
Our small town has a "smallness" that can be stifling. That's why I left and why I haven't gone back. However, more and more I yearn for our small Appalachian Mountains, the farmer's fields, the snow.
I miss my Pennsylvania. I've tried to keep my mind open to Texas but I'm unconsciously starting a tally about why Pennsylvania is better. I've thought that about rural NY, about Chile, and now Texas. (Oh yeah, did I mention they pulled a BODY right out of the lake in front of our house earlier this week? Or that we witness about 3 car accidents per day during our commutes?) The one place I love in the world is Southern Chile cause it reminded me of Pennsylvania. What's wrong with me? Why am I such an old lady?
The more we move and the more places we live I think I want to live on a farm and wear sweaters and make soup. I want to slosh around in the mud, tap maple syrup, knit scarves, grow tomatoes for O., and pick blueberries like the Blueberries for Sal book. I'm totally Annie Dillard. (What do you know?... she's from Pennsylvania, too.)

There are things that aren't so great here (in the US & TX) right now. The job market is apparently pretty dismal, even for an Engineer. (But please keep your fingers crossed and pray or meditate or do whatever you do for my O. please.) I simply can't take these politics going on right now. It turns my stomach. (But please keep your fingers crossed and pray or meditate or do whatever you do for Obama please. Yes, Obama this time.) We're having tons of complications with red-tape in Texas that involve things like having to pay the state of Texas taxes on my car (which I already paid in PA where I bought it), not being able to become residents in time for Oscar's application for the MBA (you can't become a Texas resident unless you own property, a business, or have worked for 12 consecutive months - isn't that nice?! Living here, paying rent here, paying the crazy sales tax here just simply isn't enough. I somehow think this goes back to Jim Crow laws, but I'm not sure how. I'm going to say it does.)

But honestly, sometimes, aren't the current state of affairs enough to send you running for the hermit shack in the mountains? Sometimes, do you think I was high when I decided to move to the state that spawned* G.W. Bush? Sometimes doesn't everyone just want to go back to the simplicity of the place they grew up? Maybe it wasn't simple, but you were a kid, so it seemed simple then.

O.K. I'm totally whining right now. It's been a long week.

Tomorrow I'm buying a bottle of wine and I'm going to make Oscar do something Austin-touristy and fun with me like see the bats come out. We are going to have fun and we are going to like Texas! I'm determined!

*I know Bush wasn't born in Texas, but the word "spawned" seemed to have a nice dramatic effect!

Public service announcement of a sort...

All this talk about women, female political candidates, teenage pregnancy and my return to the USA has gotten me thinking about all kinds of girl stuff. So if you don't like unapologetic girl talk, don't read on. I'm being really Chilean for a moment and complaining about my health!

I'm one of those people who has had to take birth control pills since I was really young. I can't even remember when I started them, but I think I was a sophomore in high school. I was one of the first girls who I knew of that had to take them. This was caused by excessively heavy periods and cramps so painful that I had to miss school. I guess that, along with the fact that both my mother and grandmother suffered from it, these symptoms have "endometriosis" written all over them, so my doctors prescribed me Ortho Tri-Cyclen in a heart beat as a preventative measure. I had to get a letter from my doctor every year saying, "This prescription is for a medical condition, not to prevent pregnancy" so that my insurance company would cover it.

I didn't take well to the pills. Ortho Tri-Cyclen made me absolutely crazy and I got all puffy like a pregnant woman. Then, I switched to another pill which didn't bother me so much, a generic called Necon. Everything seemed to be going well.

But then, around that same time I began to experience migraine headaches. They were few and far between. I told my doctor about them and she sort of brushed it off saying, "Oh headaches are really normal, you have nothing to worry about." So I kept taking them.

When I moved to Chile permanently in 2007 and got off my parents health insurance, I had to switch my pills because Necon wasn't produced in Chile, and of course, they were over the counter so it was a lot less of a hassle. I switched to Yazmin and I think my body was so used to my monthly hormones at this point I barely noticed the difference. But the headaches continued, maybe once every 3 months.

When I get a migraine, the first thing I notice is that I have problems with my vision. I remember my second one... I was working a retail job, late one evening and I was alone in the store. A customer came in and I remembered looking at her thinking "Oh my god! She has 4 eyes! Her face is so deformed!" Until I looked at the cash register and realized that I had double vision. Other times I have a spot in my vision and get a pain in my eye that won't go away.

A few hours after the vision problems, I usually lose feeling or get a tingling sensation on one side of my body. Sometimes it's my left face. Sometimes it's my hand. Sometimes it's my entire arm.

Then, I get a headache. It's not the kind of headache that Tylenol, Ibuprofen or Advil will relieve. Migraine medicine does nothing. It usually lasts for hours or an entire day. If I get it at night I can't sleep. It's usually in my eye and on one side of my head.

Well, finally, after 7 years of taking birth control and getting these awful headaches, I had to go into UT's Student Health Clinic to get a new prescription. I stocked up on 7 boxes of Yazmin before I left Chile, and my supplies ran out right in time for my student health insurance. I was a little bit weary of going to this clinic because they only have RN's, and I've always seen doctors. Even in Chile I got on the bus for an hour to go to the totally cuico Clinica Alemana cause I just don't like to mess with my health. I was also rather worried because the person with whom I had my appointment had on her profile that she was from Lubbock, TX. (In case you don't know about Lubbock, TX, the only time I had ever heard about it was this movie: The Education of Shelby Knox).

My preconceived notions were entirely close-minded and unfounded. This RN was the best OB-GYN consultation I had ever been to. She asked me about my headaches and said, "WOW. We need to get you off estrogen."

Basically, taking estrogen birth control pills makes it slightly more likely to have a stroke. This is aggravated by smoking, being overweight and genetics. However, if you have migraine headaches that include tingling and interruption of vision you are even MORE likely to have a stroke, and being on estrogen makes it worse.

Tomorrow I'm starting "the mini pill" (progestin-only) which is supposed to be a heck of a lot safer for "high-risk women," like migraine sufferers. I can't believe that it took over 7 years for someone to figure this out. The downside of the mini-pill is that you must take it at the exact same time every single day or your chances of getting pregnant increase. You may also ovulate on this pill (40%-60% of women do), whereas on estrogen you usually don't.

Other methods that don't include estrogen are The Shot, an IUD and Implanon. Three things I'm considering if I do OK with this hormone. I don't like running a risk, I'm still in the pregnancy=death mentality despite being in a marriage. Being a stepmom has taught me that WOW I'm not ready for a child anytime soon. (And I secretly like being able to spoil Francisca and with another little one we would be spread pretty darn thin.)

I just really wanted to post about this experience because, in addition I like talking about birth control, just in case someone else might be on the pill and getting bad migraines. I'm generally a really health conscious person and had no idea about the risks.

Also - if anyone is on a mini-pill, or has experience with IUDs, The Shot or Implanon, I'd love to know about it. I'd like to hear other things beyond what they tell you in the marketing pamphlets!

More information: WebMD, Planned Parenthood

Austin, TX

Austin, TX
Originally uploaded by mandastars

This is a photo of the view of downtown Austin from our apartment complex. Check out my flickr for the rest!

Nice article.

The Mirrored Ceiling - Judith Warner - Opinion article from the New York Times.

Group post: Chilean Women

I had started a really involved post basically about how Chilean women on a whole are an incredibly frustrating and infuriating topic for me, about how they have killed my feminist ideals, and how out of all things to make you insane, I never thought that it would be my own sex. I once relayed that to a gringa visiting Chile from the US for a while. She gave me this look like, "WOW," and started defending Chilean women, explaining about how work conditions here are so much worse, etc. etc. I smiled to myself and thought, 'This is exactly what I would have been saying had I just arrived here a month ago, but it's been over two years time that I've spent in this country and it's not what you, we or anyone can really understand.'

However, I thought about this post for a few days and realized that my wrath really isn't as intense as I had once thought. And I started to think about the Chilean women that I really have gotten along with and really did like.

I think my major problem when getting to know Chilean women was context. Most of them have seen me as an interloper: This woman is here to steal our men, this woman will steal my man, or this woman stole my man. This may sound big-headed of me... but on many occasions, upon introductions, Chilean women have commented to me, "Oh you gringas come here and take all the good men." I've also found that Chilean women are generally very possessive and jealous, of what they have, what they want to have and what they had. (Direct quote from a Chilean Male Doctor.) The night I met my husband a girl came up to me and said, "Excuse me, you're talking to MY man." Of course I was thinking, 'Girl, if this is your man, you better find a new one cause he sure as hell isn't acting like your man.' And of course O. explained, "Oh, that's my ex-girlfriend. She is just a friend now. We broke up over a year ago. She's just giving you a hard time."

So obviously, how can one possibly forge a constructive relationship when you have this "fear" hanging between you?

Once I began teaching English I started really getting along with Chilean women. The focus shifted. Instead of, "You're here to steal Chilean men," it went to, "You're here to teach me English."

My impressions changed... I thought, 'Wow, Chilean women are smart, witty, thoughtful and warm!' My female students were so kind. So as you can see, I have a very bittersweet and conflicted impression of Chilean women. Some of the most catty, immature things I have ever heard have come from their mouths, but they can also be some of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. And that's probably why my following list is going to be contradictory, biased and confusing.

1. If you give your number to a Chilean woman she will most likely never call you. That's why when one of my students took my number I never expected to hear from her. However, much to my surprise, she did call. So there's an exception to every rule. I'm not sure if they would call a gringo man. But my guess is no. That would be way too forward.

2. Chilean women can act like middle school girl cliques. I think that most of this is fueled by the incredibly passive-aggressive form by which Chilean women relate with each other, but generally they love to talk behind each others backs, say really rude things disguised in kind ways, and reach out and sting you when they are mad--all with a smile on their face. This was hard for me because I learned how harmful this behavior can be, well, when I left middle school, and so when I saw it happening I just wanted to tell everyone to grow up! Additionally, it really rubbed me the wrong way when women would make really rude or snotty comments in their passive aggressive ways and I didn't really know how to react... do I give it back to them? Do I call them on it? Either way I look bad!

3. Chilean women are obsessive about personal hygiene. God forbid you sweat, smell or fart. This is something I've seen predominantly while taking care of my stepdaughter. They have their colognes, they have deodorants, they have perfumes, depilación, their crazy little machines that pluck out your leg hair one by one, their makeup their creams, and their obsession with cleaning your "private areas." All of this to avoid taking a shower. When I saw all this going on, I thought, WOW, I must be a smelly pig. But the truth is, I'm not. You don't need to wear a gallon of perfume so as not to smell. You don't need to create a fake bidet with a cup every night to prevent a yeast infection. (Honestly, if Chilean women are so obsessed with cleaning that area, where the hell are the bidets? It would make bathroom functions so much easier!) If you bathe ONCE a day, and maybe after going to the gym, you're okay. I'll never forget the day my host mother pulled me into the bathroom and gave me a lecture about cleaning "down there." She told me that I had to do it or I'd get yeast infections, and that I had to wear pantyliners or I would get yeast infections. Honestly, that just crossed the line!

4. A Chilean woman's weight loss diet:
a. Take up smoking. b. Eat nothing but "ensaladas" with light mayo and lemon juice. c. Use "saccharina tablets". d. Go into that Lain store. e. Don't actually exercise because that would involve sweating and that's not something women do, and then you might get big man muscles. e. And then they go and squeeze into their two sizes too small jeans to complete the muffin top silhouette.

5. I really don't know what all of the tights, underclothing leotards and fishnets under shirts are about. It's not that cold in Santiago. I lived in Pennsylvania and Ithaca, NY where we actually have snow and we didn't even do that. There's no need for long underwear in a place that feels like California...

6. There are several groups of women. There are the housewives who have nannies to raise their kids and do all the dirty work. I don't know many of them, I didn't know many cuicos in Santiago. Then there are women who try to make it in the workforce and also have nannies to raise their children. I really think these women mean well, but the way it's set up arriving at 8:30am and staying until 8:30pm I don't know how anyone could manage to work without a nana. Then there are women who stay home and don't have nanas (I know few who have not had nanas at some point). Then there are the women who work their butts off, as nanas, usually trying to compensate for an nonsupporting husband and then go home and do all the dirty work after doing someone else's dirty work all day. I've always wondered, who cares for the nanas children?

I feel like *some* (not all) Chilean women have the princess dream (that we gringas may be schizophrenically accused of) of wanting a man to take care of everything, so she can flounce around and do god knows what all day and have a nana raise her kids. They usually are unhappy with their husband's amount of money and complain about it to their better off mothers and sisters. I'll have to admit: I'm pretty high maintenance, too, but the bottom line is that I am more than willing to get off my butt and work for my dreams, I don't need a man to make it happen for me.

7. I think Heather mentioned Chilean women being more sexually liberated than gringas. I had a thought to tack onto this... teenage pregnancy rates are really high in Chile. (I've looked into it because my husband was 18 when his daughter was born.) I think a major part of this has a lot of do with lack of sex education. I also think, sadly, that most Chilean women lack the self esteem to demand that their partners practice safe sex. It's equally as much the guys fault, I think the guys are just as irresponsible , but I think about my teenage friends in high school who were sexually active and about how much more aware we were of our bodies and how much more determined we were not to get pregnant at a young age. When I was 17, pregnancy=death, there really wasn't any other way to look at it. Of course, I went to a very good high school in a predominantly wealthy, educated area, but still. I'm not blaming chilenas for this, but I wish that there was some other way to get these women to respect themselves. How can you demand respect from your partner if you don't respect yourself, first?

8. I think that the main part along with the above line is that the "ultimate" for a woman in Chilean society is to be a mother. I know many single 30 year olds who still haven't had kids, and a few couples who are waiting a while, but I think that the world revolves around mothers and children and babies.

9. Many Chilean women like to portray themselves as fragile, or they like to portray their daughters are fragile. My in laws won't let my stepdaughter play soccer because "it's too aggressive." If she has a cough she has to stay home from school and must stay inside at all times to take care of herself. Women don't even bother lifting things, many parent's don't want their teenage daughters to have to work (part time jobs). Chilenas love to complain about their health, talk about their "sensitive stomachs" and obsess about their ailments.

I've been pretty critical, so I'm going to say something positive. When I cook, I slop together a meal, we sit down on the floor and slurp it up quickly and then drink juice out of the carton. (At least lately due to lack of furniture.) I think many Chilean women (at least my suegra) would look at that in horror. They are so much more ceremonial about their tea, their onces, and their meals. They have all kinds of dinnerware, plates, bandejas, potes and you cannot eat if the table hasn't been set and there aren't napkins out. I had to adapt to that a bit, trying to make our house not seem like a pig sty for my stepdaughter, but I really think it's nice. It's definitely more civilized.

Ok. this is long. I'm sure I've offended every Chilean women who will ever stumble upon this message. Not all women are like this... I have to just generalize some major trends. Other than my English students, my stepdaughter, and my suegra, I've had to relate to (and hear about) some pretty rotten Chilenas who I think have really poisoned my perspective. I have noticed that if a woman isn't from Santiago, or if she's a Chilena abroad, things are usually much much better. Most of my chilena friends are from the North or the South. My husband has some really nice female friends who have been good to me: But they are really smart engineers, and I think that they might be exceptions to the rule.
In summary though, Chilean women are a complex species. Often times they remind me of gringo men. I just don't have the patience. I guess everyday I give thanks that I wasn't born a Chilean man.

Our new home

Our new apartment building overlooks Austin's "Town Lake" which, they have told me, is a branch of the Colorado River. A six-foot strip of lawn separates the river from our parking lot, and we even have a small dock where we can launch canoes or kayaks (that we don't have) and a place to store them. Our apartment is an extra $75 or so per month because we have a lake view from our living room. I guess O. (pulling a Kyle here) and I went with it because we needed something to look at and we were used to our awesome view of Cerro San Cristobal.

Most of our neighbors have some lawn chairs and tables in front of their units. We all share one long communal balcony. It seems that on nice nights everyone sits outside and sips wine and chats. The other night we got a six-pack of those Bacardi Mojito Coolers and joined them. I learned that we live next door to a Turkish man who I have yet to see, who is on his 4th PhD. Next to him are a young couple from Oregon, with whom we chatted last night, who also happen to be vegan, half-marathon runners (and oddly enough smokers) and extremely kind and interesting. Next to them is a middled aged man from Dallas who is divorced who lives by himself with a small chihuahua. Beyond him is a doctor who is completing her residency, and then a woman whose British partner recently became a woman, is a high power something at a local Tech firm and the 2 are prominent LGBTQ organizers in the community. The majority of our neighbors seem to have small dogs, in fact, everybody in Austin seems to have some kind of pet. We're the anomaly in that sense, but I wonder how much time will pass before we break.

So far our apartment building seems like a nice place. Our neighbors are definitely the most friendly here that I've ever had. Which is nice, for a change!

Getting back into graduate school has been sort of a shock. It's odd to go back to reading so much and trying to make intelligent comments in Spanish. I literally feel like I have a huge mental block and have forgotten everything. And I've only been out of school for a year and a half! I guess it's good I didn't wait even longer to go back.

I will post pictures of the apartment and everything later!