I can't really go into specifics about much of this, out of respect for the people it's about. The first issues isn't as touchy, just tragic. Someone with whom I graduated high school died this week. We were never really friends. We had mutual friends and I remember skiing with him in groups decades ago. In 2006 or so, he fell two stories after a balcony railing gave way, and he became paralyzed from the waist down. This week he died from complications due to paralysis. Since this happened I have been living in other states and countries and maintain little contact with people from high school other than a few people. So although I had heard about his accident, I had no idea he was in a wheelchair, or that he continued to have problems for years after that. I think his death came as a shock to everyone. Especially my best friend who saw him a few weeks ago, alive and well.
I think this hits home in a selfish way. He was my age, and I feel way too young to die. Is this my memento mori, leading into a carpe diem... seize the day because one day you will die?
Aside from that, I recently found out that one of my mentors from Cornell has suffered a serious of personal losses. In a way that I think very few people could withstand. Then, I found out other personal things about my other mentor that are also painful and difficult to get through. More than what has happened to these people, I just feel so terrible and cannot stop thinking about them. So much that I was up staring at the ceiling last night.
Here come the clichés: Why do bad things happen to good people? They say, "God only gives you as much as you can stand" but I just can't see meaning in all of it. It's not fair, plain and simple. "Life is not fair," is something I hear my father saying over and over again, and probably will continue hearing forever.
End clichés. What else can we say about these things other than just describe the dull pain one feels in their gut, when you're just sad for someone. Not pity, just sad.
Do you know who I am?
2 days ago